It’s been a little bit since I’ve updated Avocado Thoughts. Today I’m going to briefly touch base with you all and let you know some of my internal questions about the blog and my life recently.
As many of you know, I’m a high school senior this year and will be heading off to college this summer. As the end of the school year approaches and all of the activities I’m involved in have been winding down, I’ve been feeling pretty overwhelmed with decisions and – it might sound dramatic – my psyche.
This milestone feels like its coming up pretty fast. Frankly, with it comes with a lot of pressure to make decisions that could have impact for many years to come. Some of the mentors and people I look up to in my life tell me you don’t have to know what you want to do – just explore. But that’s part of the problem; I no longer know (or maybe have never known) how to distinguish my passions vs others views and passions for me. All this, plus I’ve realized I’m heavily influenced by other people.
Part of what I’m struggling with is knowing what I enjoy and what I don’t. So much of my life throughout school and the activities I’ve thrown myself into I participate in because someone else persuaded me. I live in a rural, small town, so often a lot of the activities didn’t have a lot of participants which made me feel more obligated to join in many cases. Now I’ve confused myself – what is the difference between me truly enjoying something and “enjoying” something because an outside source gave me validation? By this I mean maybe a coach or advisor told me I was talented or had a lot of potential in their sponsored activity and that gave me energy and motivation to continue and “enjoy” the sport or group. Am I enjoying the sport and the act of participating or am I enjoying the praise and attention from doing well and participating? (Oof, am I just a huge attention seeker?)
On the same spectrum, let’s talk social media. This year, as one of my 2021 New Year’s resolutions, I deleted Snapchat. I think as a coping mechanism, I turned to Pinterest and have been trying to build my following on the platform recently. I’ve been struggling with distinguishing my want to create bullet journal and fashion pins VS my want to see how many people like what I post. Am I making pins for the fun and creativity of it or because I want to see their success and popularity? Basically, I’ve been trying to navigate whether I really enjoy making content on Pinterest or I just want to see how well my pins perform. And maybe the fact that I have to question this at all proves the latter.
College decisions are making me think about what I value and enjoy doing – and also, what is sustainable in the long term.
My other New Years Resolution for 2021 was to make my lifestyle more sustainable, minimalist and eco-friendly. As a result, I’ve saved a lot of money, as I only buy from sources I really research and avoid buying unnecessary items. But as I’ve been learning more and more about minimalism, I’ve determined that a sustainable lifestyle is not limited to materials – this is something that should translate digitally and mentally as well. Simplifying my lifestyle in all aspects for my happiness.
I’m going to be very frank. I’m questioning my purpose for being on WordPress. In the beginning, I told myself I was starting the blog so I could have an outlet, maybe meet new people and share ideas. However, you can see by just a quick glance through some of my first posts that I would be lying if I told you I wasn’t motivated by seeing the like-dislike count. The content I was making were not things I felt truly passionate about or compelled to share. (Like I said, we’re being frank here) They were posts and ideas that I thought would gain me more views. Was I really interested in showing people the different types of mugs you can buy? Okay, maybe slightly, I was basically a child at the birth of this blog, but there were other things I was more invested in than mugs. (Yes, this was an actual post I wrote. Good God. I’m not going to link it because if you want to see that you’re going to have to search for it)
As I’ve posted more and grown as a person, I’ve posted things that I really enjoy exploring and writing about, like my No-Poo method posts, or my Call Me By Your Name reviews. However, that’s not to say I don’t enjoy it even more when those posts do well. And I’m really struggling with whether this is a bad thing or not.
On the other hand, the more recent posts I’ve made about fashion and lookbooks have been less about my enjoyment and pride in their content and more about making posts to just put up because I’ve been MIA for so long. I also feel this obligation to post on the blog (partially because so many of you lovely people decided to follow me) but I don’t want to disappoint and I don’t want to post anything anymore that isn’t something I truly worked on and care about. The problem is, in order to create these thoughtful posts that I’m truly invested in, I need more time. And this year, my senior year, has not been lenient. On top of that, this dilemma has made me wonder if I’ve strayed from what I wanted Avocado Thoughts to be in the first place… I didn’t start this blog to appease others. Maybe it’s that I want what I put out to be things I’m proud of.
In this sense, I’ve hit a true writing/blog block. It’s strange because as I’ve had these thoughts, I’ve also asked myself whether it’s necessarily a bad thing to just post something that I haven’t thought about intensely or worked on that much just because I want to. I’ve come to the conclusion that its a balance and I’m not hitting it right now.
Anyway, this is more of a serious post about my thoughts and ponderings about the blog and who I want to be. These are the questions I’ve been asking myself to consider. Let me know if you have any advice for me regarding any of these questions I have or whether you’ve ever had similar dilemmas.
Til next time,